Warm Feelings All Around.

Had a really long conversation with best friend yesterday. Feel like less of a wreck today. I love how he's always making me search for answers within myself.

As usual, when it comes to thinking about the meaning of my life or its purpose, I am an absolute and utter disaster. I hate it when I start questioning things because they end up seeming so pointless. Nothing seem to matter in the grand spectrum of things yet it matters so much to me.

That's what I love about best friend. He's the complete opposite of me. I feel things while he see things. I want things while he wants experiences. I believe in the process of art while he only believes in results.

It gets frustrating sometimes. But I realize that without these bimonthly conversations with him, I will never get anywhere with my creative work, I will constantly wallow in my emotions of worthlessness, I will refuse to enjoy the simple things in life.

So, I just wanted to say, thanks, best friend. You're my rock.
 

2 a.m.

Ah, the hour to ponder upon life.

I'm never up this late lately so I haven't been feeling dejected for no reason. But I took a nap at 7pm today and this is the result : unexplained emo-ness that has to be dealt with through writing.

So, if you haven't been keeping up with me lately, this is what's going on.

1. I finally quit my job that has made me very unhappy in the past year.

I don't know if it was the right decision but the main reason I actually typed out my resignation letter, printed it out, marched to my boss' table and broke the news to him was actually because I read something online that said, "Your dream starts when you do something about it." 

I'm pretty damn sure it didn't mean quit your job which is your only chance of financial stability and pretty awesome hours to chase a dream that you are not so sure about yourself. But what's done is done and I'm excited for the adventures that lie ahead! :)

2. I'm applying for a scholarship that I doubt that I will get yet hope that I do yet fear that I will.

Haha! Yeah. I'm actually at the almost-final stage of the application. Didn't think I would have made it this far but here I am, reading up about universities in a foreign land and what not. Nothing much to say about this except, I'm scared shitless about it. 

I know that it will do me good but a huge part of me is really freaking out about where I am in life and how little I have accomplished. I know it's not about the destination and it's the journey that counts. But a part of me really hate that i'm such a "late bloomer". I see people doing really well in their career, getting married and shit, and here I am all, "I have no idea what I'm doing, maybe i'll write a book!"

Okay, sorry I made it seem like it was gonna be a long inexhaustible list but it's really only 2 things. Haha! I have a boring life.

Just hitting the surface on this one. I actually have more I want to get off my chest but I can feel my eyes getting heavy so I'm gonna hit the sack before I miss this magical opportunity. Yes, I know, I'm an old fart.

Until next time, folk(s)!